Ode to Johnny

Remember a couple of weeks ago, i dedicated a blog to Julie - well, here's one to my good friend Johnny.

I first met Johnny in Hammersmith College in 1989. I used to pass him in the corridor, and we would give each other a dirty, mean look, just to try and intimidate each other, but I guess we both probably looked like we were suffering from constipation.

Actually, seeing that I was dressed like a Bros (80's boy band) groupie (blue torn jeans, blue denim shirt, red bandana), I guess it wasn't a surprise that he was eyeballing me up. But then, seeing that Johnny had a wavey perm with a middle parting, and clutching a mobile phone, I thought he was recruiting for the triads! (perm and mobile phone was standard equipment in those days).

In Hammersmith college, people tended to hang round their own ethnic groups - so one end of the college would be populated by the chinese people, the other one by the Indians guys, and the other end by the black guys. So Johnny would be there, with the other Chinese lot. I wasn't part of this "elite" group, as I was hanging around with this girl that I fancied (i thought there was a mutual feeling, seeing that I used to borrow her money all the time). Everytime I walked past, I could feel the dirty looks aimed right at the back of my bandana.

I think we started talking because of a mutual friend - someone I knew was in one of his classes and introduced me to him (er, also she fancied the nuts out of him!). And we both realised we had a lot in common. We played a lot of snooker during college time, and hanged out a lot in the local KFC. (hence why i got expelled i think!).

Also, several months after talking to him, i suddenly aquired the nickname "Biff" - and the weird thing is how quickly it got adopted. I've got a very mild stammer, and at times when I talk, words come out very quickly and rushed. Hence Johnny noticed that the sound that came out of my mouth sounded like "biff buff biff buff buff biff". I used to think it was a curse, but then i slowly realised that it was a great way of introducing myself to women!

• Girl "So, whats your name?"
• Me "My friends call me Biff"
• Girl (giggle) "Thats a strange name, how did you come up with that?"
• Me "Lemme tell you the story"
• Girl (giggle) " Oh thats funny - can i buy you a drink?"
• Me "If you must"

Strange that this guy who I thought was a mini gangster and who thought up this crap nicname for me, ends up being my best man, 16 years later! The secret to a good friendship? The ability to laugh at anyone and anything!