The state of beer pipes, and the state of MY pipes

The thought of going up 30 miles of the A3 last night, and bursting to go to the toilet to do a dump scared the heck out of me.

It usually starts with a little sweat. Things get a little bit warmer.

Then my stomach rumbles, and I feel an urge to loosen my belt a bit.

And then it hits you, BANG! A shot of pain, shoots from your stomach to your bottom at the speed of thought, and you feel your bottom is about to take off into space.

Luckily, this didn't happen. I decided to go back to my house instead of going back to Woking, so that I could be ready for the forthcoming eruptions that I knew was inevitable. Like Anakin becoming Darth Vader, it was my destiny that night, for me to duel with the toilet.

How did I get to this stage?

I really don't know. I don't think I ate anything too funky yesterday. My menu for the day was:

• morning: bacon roll
• lunch: thai noodles salad
• dinner: pork and duck fried crispy noodles

So its not like I ate anything too complicated.

As I was sitting on the bog, contemplating all this, I came up with a new theory.

Beer

Last year, I remember going through a phase when I had to do a dump everytime I had a pint, so I started drinking other stuff - couple of months later, this problem when away. But then I realised that actually, we started going to another place more regularly to drink.

Yesterday we went out for some drinks, but we didn't go to our "normal" place (I dont want to name "names" just in case! I can't afford to be sued!), nor did I drink my usual beer (I usually drink Stella, but I was drinking Carling Extra Cold. Which was a bit bland actually)

Could beer be the case as to why I suffer from such a sensitive stomach? Could it be that one place has cleaned beer pipes than the other? Can the bacteria residing in dirty pipes give me the "runs"? But then if it was dirty pipes, how come no one else had a dodgy stomach? Or could it be that im specifically sensitive to these bugs?

I don't know whats to blame. I really don't. But its put me off drinking beer for a while (ok, until Friday that is). Just another thing to add to my "you're getting old Biff" list .

Luckily, this story had a happy ending (er, in that I didn't have to sweat for 30 miles up the A3, waiting to get home to use the toilet!). But I'm dreading having to go through all this while in Prague.